You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Randomize
