u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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