Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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