I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
