my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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