I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
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And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
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I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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