Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
