I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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