You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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