I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
