i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
