from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
