So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
