I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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