shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
