She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
