nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
