In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
love makes seman taste better
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
