My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
