this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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