I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Randomize
