i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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