Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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