So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
FUCK WHALES
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
