I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
