i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize