paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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