I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
