why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
