11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
