If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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