i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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