Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
