Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
