TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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