did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
