guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
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