Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
