your room smells of hookers.
And success
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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