if you like me you must not know who I am
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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