I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
