God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
