I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
