I just threw up on my dentist
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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