Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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