It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
