I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Randomize
