In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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