Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Come see our sink grown plant.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize