from now on my penis is your penis
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
