it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
