I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
