ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
