Dude my mom stole all your condoms
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Oh god it's open bar.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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