I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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