I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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