That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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