Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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