Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
