please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
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you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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