Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
