I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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