I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
