Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
