Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Boobs speak an international language.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
