Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
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