y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Randomize
