My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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