the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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