Plan B is the new Plan A
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
