Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
