All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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