Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
